I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
