Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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