6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
