i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
