Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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