Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
