All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bring me that man meat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
