I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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