I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
