Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
