i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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