Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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