my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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