I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
