I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
