"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I had to cum in my sink.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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