dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
