Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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