Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
