Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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