Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
