Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud đł
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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