Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
