this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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