Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
