True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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