just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
