Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
