Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
