and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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