Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
