I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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