just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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