is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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