Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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