dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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