East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
