you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
