I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
