I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
