Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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