Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
