We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
