my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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