i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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