Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
