its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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