i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
