I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
