okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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