i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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