Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
