Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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