this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do herpes really smell.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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