im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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